my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
