At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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