im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
