I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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