Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
