you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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