My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
