New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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