I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
