Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
