I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize