You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
