so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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