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This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I supernannyed him into submission
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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