we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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