I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
