Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
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