I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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