if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
