the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
