party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm like, not good at living.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
