My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
