I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
should my penis look like a turkey
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
