there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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