You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
