The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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