I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize