Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
