I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
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