I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
