Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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