I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
