I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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