I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
