So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
