hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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