just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
