i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
