Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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