Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
