I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
