apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
