Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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