I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
