Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
