Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
