Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
