When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
