batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Randomize