don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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