You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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