Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
