a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
