Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
