Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Come on in and take your pants off
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