I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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