dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize