piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
only you would photoshop your dick
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
