Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
