Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
