The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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