I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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