i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize