apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
