Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
