hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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