the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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